How often have you caught yourself thinking, “I’d be so much happier if I just had… this job, that car, a vacation to Bali…”? It’s easy to fall into the trap of “if only” thinking. It’s like our brains are wired to believe that happiness is somewhere just out of reach, waiting to be unlocked with the right combination of stuff or circumstances.
We get so wrapped up in the “next big thing” that we forget to actually enjoy the moment. The job, the car, the vacation—those are all nice, no doubt. But is happiness really just a string of achievements or possessions? If it were, you’d think everyone with the right stuff would always be beaming with joy. Spoiler alert: They’re not. It’s easy to scroll through social media or watch a friend’s highlight reel and think, “Why doesn’t my life look like that?” But no one’s life is as perfect as it seems. Happiness isn’t one-size-fits-all, yet we’re all trying to squeeze ourselves into moulds that don’t quite fit.
When we compare ourselves to others, we end up setting unrealistic standards, constantly feeling inadequate. It’s like trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans, you know are two sizes too small. You’ll be uncomfortable, and it won’t bring you happiness.
Here’s where things get really interesting: There’s this myth that happiness is a permanent state we can achieve. The idea that once we’ve hit the perfect life, we’ll float around in a bubble of joy forever. But the truth is, happiness is a bit like the weather. Some days are sunny, some days are cloudy, and some days… well, they’re just plain stormy.
Trying to make happiness a constant state is a bit like trying to catch the wind—it’s a beautiful idea but practically impossible.
Expectations are also a huge factor in how we experience happiness. We often expect life to look a certain way: we should be constantly happy, never sad, always excited, and never bored. But that’s not how life works. If we expect happiness to look like a never-ending rollercoaster ride of thrills, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment.
The truth is, happiness should be about learning how to ride the ups and downs without getting stuck in either extreme. It’s about finding contentment in the quiet moments, accepting the tough ones, and not letting either define our existence. It’s not about escaping the bad moments; it’s about learning to live with them and appreciating the good ones when they come around.
It’s not about having the best job or the perfect family; it’s about finding value and fulfilment in what we do. Maybe it’s helping someone in need, making time for a hobby, or simply being present with the people who matter most. Perhaps these are the things that can bring a deeper, more lasting sense of happiness—one that doesn’t come from a picture-perfect life but from a life that feels rich with meaning.
There’s a trap that happens when we overemphasise happiness. It’s easy to fall into the belief that if we’re not happy all the time, something is wrong. But feeling sad, frustrated, or even bored at times is not only normal; it’s part of the human experience. Happiness isn’t about running from those feelings; it’s about embracing the full spectrum of emotions we experience as humans. The pursuit of happiness should be less about constant joy and more about accepting and learning from our emotions.
So, what’s the real secret to happiness? What if there isn’t one. Maybe happiness is found in the everyday moments, in the relationships we build, and in the way we approach life. It’s about letting go of the idea that we have to be happy all the time and instead learn to find joy in the small things.